In an exclusive interview with Urban Magazine and a first of its kind, Derrick Jaxn’s penis makes claims of not only physical abuse and emotional abuse, but overall frustration with being blamed by his owner for the most recent scandal.
So, we don’t know how you were able to contact us, but how long has the alleged abuse been going on?
Well, Derrick has been mishandling me ever since he went through puberty. He was constantly playing with me, choking the shit out of me any time he was left alone. You would think after all the money he made he would use lotion with aloe vera. Not this n***a, he is still using knock-off petroleum jelly. I stay greasy.
What are you thoughts on the allegations of cheating and you being part of the problem?
He did that shit. I was there and now the n***a has the nerve to blame me. I did what I supposed to do. Outside peeing, it’s my only real purpose. Let’s just say I know Candice deeply… Well as deep as I can. She didn’t have to tell everyone. Now, he is trying to put it all on me. Pause. The other head makes all the decisions, but it’s my fault? Get the f*ck out of here.
You did play your part though, didn’t you?
What was I supposed to do? I don’t even have eyes. How was I supposed to know that it wasn’t his wife? It all feels the same for the most part. I can’t keep track of everything he sticks me in. I trusted him to do the right thing. Now we’re both fucked up. Women on social media are saying I’m a dirty d*ck and they don’t even know me like that. F*ck those nasty ass hoes. I mean I did literally do that a few times. Still…
Do you feel any remorse for what this experience has done to his wife?
Hell no! I didn’t marry her. She knew he was sticking me everywhere. Don’t let her fool you. As long as this n***a was paying bills, she didn’t want to know the truth. She left me here with him. It was either random vaginas or fake Vaseline, who would you choose? Did you see the way he makes me… I mean her dress? I mean I’m unimpressed. Sometimes, I wouldn’t rise to the occasion on purpose. It’s sad because she’s not a bad looking woman when she is allowed to fix herself up.
Don’t be a dick! That’s no excuse to cheat...
I didn’t cheat on anyone. That’s all him. Peeing and f*cking is all I know. You think I like being put in random body parts? Nah, I like that sh*t. But it still isn’t my fault. He’s the decision maker. I just show up and do my part. I would have just stayed single after she left but he didn’t want to break her off any cash in a divorce or child support. That might be the only reason she’s sticking around.
What are your immediate plans for future after all of this loses traction in the news?
I am just going keep being me. Don’t let his wife fool you. She ain’t touching me no time soon. Does she look like she’s trying to get this clown in the mood? I am back to being choked out three times a day. I wish the n***a would get some decent lotion and moisturize his sandpaper hands if he’s going to be playing with me so much. He has me all chafed and sh*t. Hopefully, I will get the chance to drop this tell-all book about how he ruined my life when he cheated on me with all those nasty evil sinners. I got on my black beret and army shirt. I’m ready for war!
Wait a second… Is that you, DaNaia?
No… It’s Derrick Jaxn’s penis. I got to go. Derrick doesn’t allow me to read or write without his permission. Please send help.
