Celebrity travel influencer and FlightsInStilettos® CEO, Kinyatta Gray helps you cope with death with her book, 30 Days: Surviving the Trauma and Unexpected Loss of a Single Parent as an Only Child.
Let’s start with your book, 30 Days: Surviving the Trauma and Unexpected Loss of a Single Parent as an Only Child. What inspired you to write about such a unique dynamic?
First of all,I’d like to thank you for taking out time in your day to interview me. I am honored to have this opportunity with you. In reference to my very first memoir, the inspiration behind it was really simple. It was to create and complete an unfinished mission by my mom. What I mean by that is that she always wanted to be a published author. She was a playwright and a songwriter but she passed away before she was able to publish her first book. My becoming a published author was me going all the way to the end of the road for her.
You are sharing something very personal in a public space which is very courageous, what was the most difficult part for you?
The most difficult part for me was having to relive the traumatic events over again. Once I having experienced them, I had to recall the sounds, the smells, the feelings, and anxiety. That was the hardest part. Once I was able to put my feelings into words on paper, I didn’t want to read what I had written because I would relive the entire ordeal again. What ultimately enabled me to complete the writing of the book is that I had this specific goal in mind – I wanted to go the rest of the way and accomplish this goal of becoming an author that mom didn’t get the chance to achieve. I was energized by knowing that I was doing something that was going to honor her.
One of the other reasons why I was motivated to tell this story is that after my mom passed, I was having lunch with a friend who asked me a question that I thought was bizarre at the time. He asked me what did it feel like to lose my mom because he had experienced that kind of loss. It could have been a teachable moment or I could have gotten really upset about it. In my book, I try to answer that question from my point of view and from my experience.
It’s a very intimate and needed thing to share because many of us could never imagine what that kind of loss. With that being said, what do you hope readers take away from your book?
The main thing that I want readers to take away from my book is not to let the memories of the deceased die along with them. What I have learned along my journey over the last year since she passed is that not everyone functions like me. Not everyone is willing to remember and talk about their loss. For some people, it is so painful and so traumatic for them, that they cannot talk about it. For me, it’s the opposite. I need to talk about it because when I talk about it, the experience is almost like she is still here.
Everyone will handle their loss in a way that’s comfortable and best for them. However, something deep inside me just asks that they don’t abandon their spirits if they would not have abandoned them when they were here in the physical form. If they want, they should find ways to honor the legacies of their loved ones. Writing this book is one way I have chosen to honor my mom. The other ways I honor her include being active in the things she has done like advocating for victims of domestic violence. I also try to bring attention to the illness that eventually took her life…. Don’t let the memories die with your loved ones. Keep their memories alive.
Beyond being an author, you are a very successful entrepreneur. Let’s talk about the making of FlightsInStilettos®.
I launched FlightsInStilettos in 2018 and it is genuinely based off my true travel style, travelling through airports in stilettos. Primarily, the inspiration for it rose from travelling with friends. I decided I would join a particular travel club that they were involved with and I had to set up an account. I immediately thought “FlightsInStilettos” as an account name (laughing)… One of my friends thought it was cute and suggested that I do something with it along the lines of cute slogan t-shirts and stuff. From there, it just evolved.
I really wanted it to be more than just t-shirts. I wanted it to be almost like a movement, encouraging women to think about their travel style. A lot of the time, people are focused on the travel planning and their travel destinations. Travel style is somewhere in the middle, but it is something that is often overlooked. My brand is about bringing the glamor back and the interest in style that we used to see back in the fifties and sixties. Traveling was an event. You didn’t show up to the airport in pajamas with your hair in rollers, looking like you’re going to bed. I was seeing a lot of that… It is important that we always put our best selves forward. That’s how it all began.
