Author Jennifer L. Payne breaks down her new critically acclaimed book, “I’m Single Not Sorry,” and her views of the importance of women focusing on their relationships with themselves before others.
Let’s talk about your book, “I’m Single Not Sorry.” Why is it so important these day that women are comfortable being single?
I believe a woman should be comfortable with self, take care of yourself and love yourself first prior to being in a relationship. “Secure your own mask before attempting to secure the mask of others.” I believe it’s of utmost importance to become one with self before becoming one with another — allowing reliance, happiness, and confidence to be your own responsibility and not of someone else’s.
How do you feel about the pressure placed on women to settle in order to avoid being alone?
It’s like nails on a chalkboard for me. I loathe the idea of settling as if I’m not worthy of better or what I feel I deserve, and sometimes that means you may just have to wait a little longer. I don’t believe anyone should settle, man or woman. It’s unnerving to me the pressures that society bestows on women to have children, have children by a certain age, be married or be married by a certain age. “Society” is made up of perfectly imperfect humans whom have no right or privilege to cast judgement.
You have included a playlist that you personally curated for grown and sexy situations. Tell us a few of the artists you decided to feature.
Ooooh, there are so many. I have such an appreciation and love for music, but just to name a few: Aretha Franklin, Lady London, Kash Doll, Beyonce, Lizzo, Hinda Hicks, Erykah Badu, BIA, Q-Tip, Teyana Taylor, Whitney Houston, Christina Aguilera, and many more.
To accompany the playlist, you have also put together a collection of drink recipes. What can our readers expect?
Recipes were put together to coincide with the chapters. I can’t take full credit for that. My sister is a licensed mixologist and bartender, she hears relationship stories almost every night of her life. She makes drinks to help people cope or forget, LOL! I provided her with a synopsis of certain chapters and characters, and from that she created drink recipes for the mood. To name a few: “Toxic,” “Emotional Rollercoaster,” “F*ck It,” and “Delusional.”
Do you define single as being unmarried or dating, but not in a relationship?
I define single as being unmarried or in a non-committed relationship/situationship (laughing).
You address the stigma of being successful and single. How would do you suggest women overcome it?
Be unapologetic for your success, keep falling in love with yourself, respect and embrace “singlehood.” Ask yourself, “who is the person or people who have placed a stigma on being single, and what have they done for you lately?”
What would say that you and Ava Amore, the book’s main character, have in common?
Career-driven, entrepreneurship, facing societal pressures, wrestling with self-doubt, dealing with lying men (lol), and beautiful girl friendships.
Tell us the most important thing you hope readers takeaway from your book.
I want women to stop putting so much pressure on themselves. Stop allowing society, family, and friends who are perfectly imperfect humans to dictate your life timeline and how you should live it. It’s okay to be single. It’s okay to be married. It’s okay to be divorced. It’s okay to find love a second, third, fourth, etc. time around. We only get one life, so live it to the fullest, love, and laugh. Enjoy being you!
BE’N ORIGINAL
