Marriage is about partnership, but in the Black community, when a woman levels up, it can bring unexpected tension. We’ve been conditioned to see a man as the provider, the rock, the leader. But when she’s the breadwinner, what happens then? Too often, ego, outdated gender roles, and societal pressures creep in, making it hard for love to survive. The truth is, success should be celebrated—not a source of division. To thrive, we need to have real conversations, redefine success, and build each other up instead of tearing each other down.
Talk About It, Don’t Tiptoe Around It
Too many Black couples let unspoken words kill their connection. Sis, don’t shrink yourself to make him feel big. And fellas, don’t let pride stop you from expressing what you’re really feeling. Open, honest conversations about expectations, fears, and contributions are key. A man’s role isn’t just about finances—it’s about leadership in love, in family, in spiritual and emotional support. That’s wealth too.
Redefine What Success Looks Like
We have to stop seeing success as a competition. If she’s winning, WE’RE winning. Too many marriages fall apart because we’re playing tug-of-war instead of running the same race together. True success in a marriage isn’t about who brings in the most money—it’s about how strong your foundation is. A real power couple builds each other up and holds each other down, no matter who’s making what.
Get Help When You Need It
Therapy isn’t just for white folks. Black couples need safe spaces to unpack their struggles without judgment. Whether it’s counseling, a trusted mentor, or just having an older couple to learn from, seeking guidance is a sign of strength, not weakness. The weight of systemic oppression, financial struggles, and generational trauma is real—but it doesn’t have to break us.
Don’t Let Money Kill the Romance
When resentment and ego get in the way, intimacy suffers. Too many couples drift apart because they let stress take over. Keep dating each other, keep laughing, keep reminding yourselves why you chose one another. No amount of money replaces love, respect, and passion. Prioritize emotional and physical connection—because a marriage without intimacy is just a business deal.
Build a Village, Not an Island
Surround yourselves with people who want to see y’all win. Too often, bad advice from bitter friends and family poisons relationships. Find examples of strong Black marriages and learn from them. The Black community thrives when our families thrive. Strong marriages set examples for our kids, showing them what love, respect, and unity look like.
A Winning Woman Doesn’t Mean a Losing Man
Black love is powerful. A thriving Black woman doesn’t mean her man is failing—it means they have a chance to build something unstoppable together. Instead of fighting against each other, fight the real enemy: division, insecurity, and old mindsets that no longer serve us. Marriage isn’t about who leads—it’s about how well you walk together. Let’s start building, not breaking.
Black love is revolutionary. Let’s protect it.
Author Bio
Míchelle Annalèise Coles is a relationship coach and founder of Annaleise Affirms LLC. She helps people embrace joy, set boundaries, and redefine success on their own terms. Learn more at www.annaleiseaffirms.com
